Akpos and the yahoo boy
Telephone Conversation between a Yahoo Yahoo boy and potential Maga (Akpos)
Akpos: Hello? Who am I speaking with Please?
Yahoo boy: Ah, don’t you know who is calling?
Akpos: No I don’t, the number is restricted.
Yahoo boy: How is Nigeria?
Akpos: Nigeria is fine but who am I speaking with?
Yahoo boy: It’s your friend from London.
Akpos: I have a couple of friends in London which of them is this?
Yahoo boy: Just guess.
Akpos: Em…, is it Fatai?
Yahoo boy: Yes! It’s me Fatai!
Akpos: Ah! Fatai! Looong time no see, how now? How is London?
Yahoo boy: London is fine, how is Nigeria?
Akpos: Nigeria dey there o, the usual wahala, Ehen! The other day I saw your mother, she is very sick o, that was two weeks ago, I am sure she should be dead by now….
Yahoo boy: Ah!
Akpos: Yes o, your father’s house in the village rain-storm blew away the roof and it landed on the old mans legs and shattered them, he is at Ogwa presently ……
Yahoo boy: Shuuooooo:O!
Akpos: ….yes o, the bone mender says it will not heal because he has diabetes, later they said tetanus has entered already, the man is quarter to go, your younger brother went to smoke Igbo with those bad boys and since then the guy kolo, he is in Uselu psychiatric now, your elder brother went to a burial at Ugbegunebudin he went to drink anyhow there, they nack am epilepsy there, he is just falling every time …..
Yahoo boy: Haaaaa!!!!!
Akpos: …wait o, there is more, your sister carry belle, e go do aborti ….
Yahoo boy: You wait! E don do for you! I reject everything you say in Jesus name! Those things will never happen to me….
Akpos: Ah! Is this not Fatai, they have already happened …
Yahoo boy: I am not Fatai, you idiot, na God go punish u.
Akpos: Na devil go solder ur yash, no go find work bloody thief! 419…wait make I burn your credit small, idiot!